My little world of blogging is just that…little. I don’t have many people view my blog let alone comment on it. I’m pretty particular about which ones I even read on a regular basis. So far, my friend Billy, you’ve been about it.

But today I stumbled across a blog that is exactly the spiritual food I needed. I’ve been dealing with some spiritual and marriage battles for quite a while now, so todayI did a search about marriages (I neglect to be more specific on purpose, but I will note that I am constantly interested in finding ways to strengthen mine). In doing so, I came across this post from Magnanimity’s blog. The clarity, honesty, and spiritual maturity drew me in and I decided to browse through the author’s collection of posts.

One passage in particular really moved me. As I read through this prayer, it was me. Inside and out. I’m filled with so many insecurities, inconsistincies, and insufficiencies, I often find myself a mess. All of this should bring me closer to God. But for so many years, I depended on myself to bring about change in my life. I dug my claws in, gritted my teeth, and did what I had to do to make everything better. Only it didn’t make it better. It just gave me temporary relief. A reason to feel good about myself. That is until the next trial came up.

And I’m finding that even though I’m in a renewed, refreshed relationship with Christ, I still revert back to my old habits.

I don’t pray enough.

I don’t thank Him enough.

I don’t witness enough. (And not just by words. But also my life.)

I’m not enough. Period.

But God is enough for all of this. I forget this so many times. He makes up for all of my shortcomings, all my struggles. I too often fail to give my burdens, my baggage over to God. I hang my head in sadness and struggle instead of giving it all over to God and looking up with a thankful heart.

And Satan would love to keep me there. If he can keep my eyes on the ground, then I can’t look up to see all that God has to offer me. It keeps me from giving all that I have over to God as well. I don’t want to live in this place anymore. I want to move forward, be someone who others take notice of, not because of me, but because of What is in me.

I want to be a better Christian.

I want to be a better wife.

I want to be a better friend.

I want to be everything God already sees in me.